As I was washing the dishes a moment ago, my mind started to wander as it usually does, thinking about what else needed to be washed, swept, scrubbed.....then I started to think about the email I got this morning from someone who is throwing my sister's Bridal Shower, I was asked what our traditions were and if there was anything that I would like to add to what was going to happen at the shower, oh if I could make it to the shower that is next weekend. I just found out about it a few days ago. Understandably it is an odd situation since my sister lives out of state with my parents and most of our family lives here in MA. But it got me thinking how come I wasn't the one who was planning this?? Why didnt my mom call me and ask me to help out. I feel like the entire wedding has been already taken care of and all I have to do is show up. I know that I liv out of state,but I fly for free and barely work thanks to the lovely recession. No one asked hey we want to plan a shower for Rachel and to make sure you can come what days would be good for you?
What upsets me the most is that it is my own fault, not theirs, no one elses but mine. I should have been th one to say, I am the maid of honor and I want to do this for my sister. She is my only sister and I have failed horribly. It's not something that I will have another chance to do, (at least I hope not). Once this all happens I will never be able to go back and say can we do this all over....
Then I started to think about her as a person and realized that this woman I have shared laughter, tears and life with is lmost a stranger to me. Most of what I know about her is written on her facebook page. To be honest I don't even know her favorite color. I bet my daughter knows more about her than I do. How did life go this quickly? How did life get this hecktic? The days, weeks, months, years have just flown by...like flipping through the pages of a book. Most of my memories of her are from growing up, the past 10 have been such a blur and full of chaos and busyness. The question is why? Why am I too busy, why do I give excuses like that? Why am i too busy to know who my sister is? It makes me think what else have i missed out on? What other information has been overlooked in this whirlwind called life.
My brother is now a man, my oldest is turning a decade old, I almost 30 and have really not much to show for it. I think back to when I was a kid and in such a hurry to make it to the next milstone, the next big thing.....to be 10, then to be 13, then sweet 16,then 18 then 21 and then after that life just swallows you whole. The wheels start turning faster and faster. You are in a rush to buy a car, a house and make more money and have a career. The tasks and elements of everyday life engulf your time and energy and you feel so depleted at the end of the day. You wake up one morning and realize you don't know who the people around you are, hell you don't know who you are. Time doesn't slow down any either, it is speeding faster now at this point and soon you feel like you are in a Toyota Prius that has faulty breaks and you can't stop. All you can do is look at the trees and and other cars as you fly past them on the road of life.
I so long for a pause button, so that I can just stop life for a moment, enjoy my kids, enjoy their youth,before they too are sucked into this vortex. The one questin I have is who decided this is the way it is suppose to be? Who said we had to be busy like this? Why are we in such a rush, heading in only one direction? Why are we in such a hurry to die?
What upsets me the most is that it is my own fault, not theirs, no one elses but mine. I should have been th one to say, I am the maid of honor and I want to do this for my sister. She is my only sister and I have failed horribly. It's not something that I will have another chance to do, (at least I hope not). Once this all happens I will never be able to go back and say can we do this all over....
Then I started to think about her as a person and realized that this woman I have shared laughter, tears and life with is lmost a stranger to me. Most of what I know about her is written on her facebook page. To be honest I don't even know her favorite color. I bet my daughter knows more about her than I do. How did life go this quickly? How did life get this hecktic? The days, weeks, months, years have just flown by...like flipping through the pages of a book. Most of my memories of her are from growing up, the past 10 have been such a blur and full of chaos and busyness. The question is why? Why am I too busy, why do I give excuses like that? Why am i too busy to know who my sister is? It makes me think what else have i missed out on? What other information has been overlooked in this whirlwind called life.
My brother is now a man, my oldest is turning a decade old, I almost 30 and have really not much to show for it. I think back to when I was a kid and in such a hurry to make it to the next milstone, the next big thing.....to be 10, then to be 13, then sweet 16,then 18 then 21 and then after that life just swallows you whole. The wheels start turning faster and faster. You are in a rush to buy a car, a house and make more money and have a career. The tasks and elements of everyday life engulf your time and energy and you feel so depleted at the end of the day. You wake up one morning and realize you don't know who the people around you are, hell you don't know who you are. Time doesn't slow down any either, it is speeding faster now at this point and soon you feel like you are in a Toyota Prius that has faulty breaks and you can't stop. All you can do is look at the trees and and other cars as you fly past them on the road of life.
I so long for a pause button, so that I can just stop life for a moment, enjoy my kids, enjoy their youth,before they too are sucked into this vortex. The one questin I have is who decided this is the way it is suppose to be? Who said we had to be busy like this? Why are we in such a rush, heading in only one direction? Why are we in such a hurry to die?
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